My First Scammer!

My First Scammer!

OUTSTANDING,

Kind reader, I am proud to say that I have moved up in society enough that I have finally after a much anticipated wait and having signed up for EVERY SINGLE spam/scam list that sells your e-mail information that I could find, that I finally, with much anticipation have received my first verifiable SCAM LETTER! Here is that letter, and my response to the scammer.

FROM THE DESK OF MR.BELLO DANSUKI,
BILL AND EXCHANGE MANAGER,
BANK OF AFRICA (B.O.A) OUAGADOUGOU,
BURKINA-FASO WEST AFRICA.
My Mobile No+22678851258
MY ALTANETIVE E-MAIL(mr_bello13@yahoo.fr)


RE:TRANSFER OF ($18,500.000.00 USD)
(EIGHTEEN MILLION FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND UNITED STATES DOLLARS ).

Dear Friend,

I want to transfer to overseas ($18,500.000.00 USD) Eighteen Million Five Hundred Thousand United States Dollars) from the Bank of Africa,I want to ask you to quietly look for a reliable and honest person who will be capable and fit to provide either an existing bank account or to set up a new Bank a/c immediately to receive this money,even an empty a/c can serve to receive this funds quitely.

I am Bello Dansuki,the accountant personal confidant to Dr. Ravindra F. Shah who died together with his wife Dr.Mrs.Manjula Parikh-Shah in a plane crash on the 1st Oct.2003 on their way to attend wedding in Boston.

Mr.Ravindra F. Shah, is an American,a physician and industrialist,he died without having any beneficiary to his assets including his account here in Burkina Faso which he opened in a Bank of Africa in the year 2000 as his personal savings for the purpose of expansion and developement of his companybefore his untimely death in 2003.

The amount involved is (USD18,500,000.00) EIGHTEEN MILLION FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND UNITED STATES DOLLARS,no other person knows about this account, I am contacting you for us to transfer this funds to your account as the beneficiary,I am only contacting you as a foreigner because this money can not be approved to a local person here,without valid international foreign passport,but can only be approved to any foreigner with valid international passport or drivers license and foreign a/c because the money is in US Dollars and the former owner of the a/c Mr.Ravindra F. Shah is a foreigner too,and as such the money can only be approved into a foreign a/c.However,I am revealing this to you with believe in ALLAH that you will never let me down in this business, you are the first and the only person that I am contacting for this business, so please reply urgently so that I will inform you the next step to take urgently.

Send also your private telephone and fax number including the full details of the account to be used for the deposit.I need your full co-operation to make this work fine.because the management is ready to approve this payment to any foreigner who has correct information of this account, which I will give to you,upon your positive response and once I am convinced that you are capable and will meet up with instruction of a key bank official who is deeply involved with me in this business.

At the conclusion of this business,you will be given 30% of the total amount,60% will be for me,while 10% will be for expenses both parties might have incurred during the process of transferring.I look forward to your earliest reply.

Sincerely,
Mr.Bello Dansuki.


As you can see kind reader, there are many things wrong with this letter, so to confuse, discombobulate and basically fuck with the author I figured I would correct the errors, and send it back, along with a personalized note.

Dear Mr. Bello,
I know that in your poor, AIDS infested country of Africa the educational system inst the best, but figuring that you would work at a bank and all, that you would be able to afford a true education. Knowing full well that this letter will fall on deaf ears, it’s my gift to you, to send you a corrected version of this letter. Perhaps you will have better luck if your grammar and spelling wasn’t so horrible. Here are a couple pointers to perhaps improve your chances at successful scamming.

1) All scams coming out of Africa, (Nigeria mostly) are easy to pick out, the main reason is that you morons choose such a high sum of money, and seemingly pop out of nowhere, if you decreased the amount of promised money, and had a actually WORKING phone system/bank that they could call to verify the information it would work a whole hell of a lot better.
2) Your stupid scam has been on TV and the internet find a new one, try something maybe along the lines of prescription drug scams, China has had great success with this one in the recent history.
3) Don’t try and scam Americans, there are far more gullible people out there, especially in Europe, if they can “accidentally” marry there own twin they should be easy to scam.

Now that we have covered the basics, here is my gift to you Dear scammer, please feel free to use this letter to the best of your idiotic knowledge perhaps this version will be far more successful for you.

FROM THE DESK OF MR.BELLO DANSUKI,
BILL AND EXCHANGE MANAGER,
BANK OF AFRICA (B.O.A) OUAGADOUGOU,
BURKINA-FASO WEST AFRICA.
My Mobile No+22678851258
MY ALTANETIVE E-MAIL(mr_bello13@yahoo.fr)

(the first correction will be to make the amount more believable, oh yeah and that Yahoo e-mail extension if from FRANCE NOT AFRICA)
( I took the liberty of removing the RE: as this is a original not a response letter) TRANSFER OF ($18,500 USD)
(EIGHTEEN THOUSAND FIVE HUNDRED UNITED STATES DOLLARS ).

Dear Friend, (this is the first thing that labels it a scam, Americans are not friendly to strangers)

(indent the beginning of a paragraph you moron)
I want (replace Want with WISH) to transfer to overseas (replace with YOU) ($18,500 USD) Eighteen Thousand Five Hundred United States Dollars) from the Bank of Africa,(always hit the space bar after a comma moron)I want to ask you to quietly look for a reliable and honest person who will be capable and fit to provide either an existing bank account or to set up a new Bank a/c (spell out account, it will look less like a scam, and also talk like a fucking American, the word quietly implies that its secret, or wrong and should be hidden replace with a different word) immediately to receive this money, (SPACE) even an empty a/c (ACCOUNT) can serve to receive this (These) funds quitely. (Quietly is spelled wrong, refer to point made above)

I am Bello Dansuki, (space moron, space, oh yeah and choose a name people understand) the accountant personal confidant to Dr. Ravindra F. Shah (this sounds middle eastern, Americans are wary of foreign shit with a middle eastern name) who died together with his wife Dr.Mrs.Manjula Parikh-Shah (Dr.? Mrs? LOL, fucking idiot) in a plane crash on the 1st Oct. (SPACE) 2003 on their way to attend wedding in Boston. (make sure a plane crash really happened at this time so that if someone where to research your bogus claim it would give it some credibility, also Boston? Who the hell choose to voluntarily go to Boston?)

Mr. (SPACE, oh yeah and PICK AN AMERICAN NAME, for her first name, as come on, if she’s American she would have an American first name and a Nigerian, Saudi, or where ever your from last name) Ravindra F. Shah, is an American,(SPACE)a physician and industrialist,(SPACE) he died without having any (Replace ANY with A) beneficiary to his assets including his account here in Burkina Faso which he opened in a (I have a problem with this, you said he opened it in a bank of Africa, is there only one or is it a BRANCH of a bank of Africa? I didn’t even know Africa had a bank I thought they traded in cow dung, or ivory, and black market condoms or something, but I guess with all the foreign aid, they get they must have a bank somewhere.) Bank of Africa in the year 2000 as his personal savings for the purpose of expansion and developement (DEVELOPMENT) of his company (FUCKING SPACE) before his untimely death in 2003.

The amount involved is (USD18, 500) EIGHTEEN THOUSAND FIVE HUNDRED UNITED STATES DOLLARS,(SPACE, and another point, capitalizing it wont make it seem more important) no other person knows about this account, (if its at a bank, someone else would know, trust me) I am contacting you for us to transfer this funds to your account as the beneficiary,(SPACE FUCKER!!!)I am only contacting you as a foreigner because this money can not be approved to a local person here,(SPACE COCKMONKEY) without valid international foreign passport,(SPACE DICKWEED) but can only be approved to any foreigner with valid international passport or drivers license and foreign a/c (SPELL ACCOUNT) because the money is in US Dollars and the former owner of the a/c(ACCOUNT) Mr.(SPACE CHOTE MONKEY) Ravindra F. Shah is a foreigner too,(SPACE)and as such the money can only be approved into a foreign a/c (ACCOUNT) .However, (SPACE ASSWIPE)I am revealing this to you with believe in ALLAH (an African reference to a middle eastern deity? If you want to appeal to Americans use the word God, not Allah, now in days Allah is something people say before they blow up.) that you will never let me down in this business, you are the first and the only person that I am contacting for this business, so please reply urgently so that I will inform you the next step to take urgently. (The use of the word ‘urgently’ twice in a run-on sentence doesn’t make it sound any smarter, for the love of god get a thesaurus)

(INDENT) Send also your private telephone and fax number including the full details of the account to be used for the deposit.(SPACE) I need your full co-operation to make this work fine.(SPACE, also delete the word ‘fine’) because the management is ready to approve this payment to any foreigner who has correct information of this account, which I will give to you,(SPACE TAINT PAINTER) upon your positive response and once I am convinced that you are capable and will meet up with instruction of a key bank official who is deeply involved with me in this business. (This implies that you will actually meet me in person, hence your not in Nigeria, Saudi, or France, *I’m betting on France* If you would truly like to meet, I would be happy to give you these instructions in person.)

(INDENT) At the conclusion of this business,(SPACE ASS WEASLE) you will be given 30% of the total amount,60% will be for me,(SPACE CAMEL JOCKEY) while 10% will be for expenses both parties might have incurred during the process of transferring.(TRANSFERING) I look forward to your earliest reply. (Earliest? So I am supposed to only reply in the very wee hours of the dawn? Or perhaps, your once again confused because your terrorist brethren learned English from a conversion Koran?)

Sincerely,
Mr.Bello Dansuki.

I would like to take a moment, and also point out a few more problems, the surname Dansuki is prevalent in a couple places, the first is Kuwait, Saudi Arabia, and finally Nigeria, so I was correct (after a quick Google Search) in my assumption) ‘Yahoo.fr’ in your e-mail address is Yahoo! France, how can you be in Africa and using Yahoo France unless it’s a French province of Africa, hence NIGERIA! I kick ass I know. Another fallacy is that there is no Bank of Africa, Africa is made up of a bunch of different countries, not all of them peaceful to each other and not all of them using the same currency. Have you ever heard of Bank of Europe? No? well, a little lesson my friend Bank of America is not the NATIONAL bank of America, it’s a bank that uses the name America. After goggling Bank of Africa, I find that there is one that follows the same attributes as Bank of America, however it is based in Kenya and just so happens to have a simple small branch in Nigeria. Imagine that…It’s in Lagos Nigeria to boot! Scammer capitol of the world! 10 points for Sarge! Please feel free to use the information provided, dear scammer as I do not want you to go hungry, or lose internet privileges due to your lack of money grubbing skills.

Sincerely,
Sarge.

p.s.
Stop breathing my air, your simply wasting it, feel free to remove yourself from the gene pool in as rapid a method as you can afford, if you need money to pay the local Kevorkian understudy I will be happy to provide the means for you, and your family to schedule an appointment.